remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
