note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize