I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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