you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
