Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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