Where are you?
In a non slutty way
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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