shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
