You don't have asthma, your pregnant
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
