i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
