brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
