I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
