somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
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