After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
