walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
