Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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