I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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