Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I smell stomach acid.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
