So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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