Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Randomize