WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
