you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
