Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
