Define "chronic" masturbator.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize