Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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