Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
