Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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