Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize
