no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
