Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
