Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I am midnight drunk by noon
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
