I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
