By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
