I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
