Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
