she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
