she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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