I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
