the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
He uses pillows to masturbate.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
