haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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