Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
