I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
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