FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Randomize
