i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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