shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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