addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize