I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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