'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize