what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
