I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
