Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Randomize
