We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
