I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize