there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
