Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize