Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
