"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
