Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
