We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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