I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
