Barsexuality is the new black.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
