No, drunk sperm still make babies.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
