i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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