i need an iv and a liver transplant
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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