So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
