Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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