guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
