His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
