i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
No...this little piggys going to the bar
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
