I wish you could order shots online.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
