we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
