So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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