dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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