I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
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