...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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