Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Randomize
