it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
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