she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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